So the car is packed and ready to go tomorrow morning to bring me back to good old State College. This summer seemed to be a nice slow summer that lasted longer than usual but now, as I am preparing to head back to school, it seems to have flown by. Don’t get me wrong— I am so excited to head back to Penn State and start my senior year. But the end of this summer is essentially the end of summers where I will not be in the workforce or looking for a job… that’s intense. Even though I spent this summer working, there was still a sense of young freedom to it and I am not sure if I am ready to let go of that.
The only comfort that I can offer when it comes to this subject is the fact that everyone experiences this fear at some point in their life even if they do not realize it when it is happening. The fear of not being rich enough, or having enough friends, or making someone proud enough— there are a million ways that this fear can present itself and we just have to rebel against it knowing that fears are all psychological and we can overcome them.
— Ain’t it fun — Paramore
It is so easy to look back and tell yourself that you should have seen certain things coming or that you missed the obvious. At first, it is easy to beat yourself over that and feel like a fool for believing in something that just wasn’t there. But eventually, you need to come to terms with the fact that you didn’t see something coming means that you were so committed to your life and whatever was in it at that moment that you chose to open your heart completely to it, something that not everybody is capable of doing„, and that is nothing to feel foolish about.
Lately I have been allowing myself to not feel guilty when I want to take a day off of work and go have fun or when I decide to spontaneously go have a drink with a friend. I used to always feel anxious when I wasn’t doing something productive that could help me pay for school or help get me a job in the future. But now I realize that as important as it is to do as much as I can for school and work etc. it is also important to do that much for myself. So look out world, the new, improved and more fun and fearless me is here.
This one hit me hard. I am the biggest believer that everything happens for a reason. Every difficulty that you face and every hurdle that you overcome will mold you into a stronger person. Even when things hurt, have faith that it is hurting because it is leading to something so big that it is forcing you to grow to get to it.